A Balanced Life, LLC

Why Women Settle

Why Women Settle, and Give Up On Their Dreams And What Can Be Done to Reverse It

    By Allison Maslan, HHP, CCH

When women come to see me for life and career coaching or homeopathy, I often find myself saying, “ You really do deserve to be happy.” With this statement I often receive a perplexed expression as their reply. Such a simple and somewhat obvious statement, but surprisingly for many women, it rings distant from their reality.

Their confused stare translates to, “Really? But how can this be? How could that actually happen? True happiness seems so far from my life that I honestly have no idea how to get there.”

I don’t mean that all women are walking around miserable. Far from that. However, deserving to be happy can have many connotations. It can mean the opportunity to have all they desire in life, to reach their dreams or to be completely fulfilled and content right where they are.

Many women tell me they remember having dreams and longings at some point in their lives, but over time, have lost touch with these aspirations. At this junction, these desires seem more like fantasies. Many women have expressed to me that they feel so trapped within their circumstances that happiness has meant settling, or making the best of what they really do not want.

Why is this so? And how did this happen? Is it a message we have unconsciously inherited from our mothers that says, “This is the best you’ll get or the best you can do, so deal with it”? Is it ideology from Cinderella and Superwoman gone astray? Or has it been the many disappointments in love, a dead-end quest for a dream career or never making it past surviving on a month-to-month income while juggling the responsibilities of home, work and family? Or maybe one has a great job, but it leaves no time for anything but the job? And the push for all of this has left many women feeling overwhelmed, lost and just plain tired.

Maintaining Balance

It is hard to believe that we are in the middle of January in the year 2010. The new year brought in new expectations, dreams and intentions.  We are now reaching the point in the new year when some start to revert back to old habits.  However, now more than every it is time to stay focused and keep our New Year intentions in the front of our mind.  Having a sense of balance in our lives can assist us in achieving our new intentions.  There are several things we can keep in mind to assist us in feeling balanced every day.  Try to remember to:  

• Be realistic with your time.  Don't over schedule yourself.  Allot a few more minutes to complete a task then you think it requires.  Avoid calendar congestion by writing your schedule on a calendar or keep it in your Smartphone.  Consult it before scheduling commitments.

• Prepare the night before.  To help you get back in the saddle, it's a good idea to get ready the night before.  This doesn't just mean picking our your clothes and packing the kids lunches.  It can also include looking at your calendar and to-do list for the next day.  Consider all your obligations; not just what you have going on in the office.  Taking a glance at you commitments can help put you in the right mindset for the morning.

• Carefully evaluate all of your commitments.  It's great to be the one who volunteers for an extra project at work or sign up to make 3 dozen cupcakes for your child's class party.  However, before you raise your hand it is important to make sure that it's the right time and the right commitment.  You don't have to be everything to everybody.

• All the planning the world can't prevent the unexpected from happening.  It is critical for you to be flexible.  Being able to adapt to the unexpected is crucial when planning for the days, weeks and months ahead.

Keeping these things in mind will allow you to design a life that is balanced.  Remember, maintaining a sense of work life balance is a daily LIFESTYLE not just a New Year's Resolution. You can keep your momentum going!

New Years Intentions

Wow, a New Year and a New Decade!!! What an exciting time.  Yesterday, I spent time going back through my calendar. I used this time to help me reflect and think about 2009.  There were aspects of 2009 that brought joy, sorrow, frustration, happiness, etc. 

After reflecting on the past year I became excited with the possibilities of 2010.  I am ready to let go of 2009 and start to think about my plan for 2010.  A little light bulb went off in my head when I read a post by Ariane de Bonvoisin.  Instead of making resolutions, this year I am going to live INTENTIONALLY.

Intentions are goals and objectives.  I am determined to live each day, week, month, quarter and the entire year intentionally.  My actions, attitude, conversations, and the people I surround myself with will propel me toward achieving my 2010 objectives.  Each new day is a new opportunity for me to move toward my goals.  It doesn't matter if these action steps are big or small.  What matters is that I am making progress.

Being in tune with myself will help shape my intentions. This means I will be able to recognize if my intentions need to be shifted.  Constant evaluation is critical to living intentionally.  Intentions are quite different from traditional resolutions.  Typically with resolutions, we make a list of those things we want to accomplish or change.  The problem with this is our lives are ever changing and are fluid.  Because of this, it is good to recognize when we need to change directions. In fact, recognizing a need for change and invoking change is courageous. It's living intentionally!

Take the next couple of days and the upcoming weeks to truly define what your intentions are for 2010.  You don't  have to accept what life brings you. Within you lies the power to live INTENTIONALLY!